Jay Shetty, renowned author of the New York Times bestseller “Think Like a Monk,” delves into the realm of love in his subsequent book, “8 Rules of Love.”
In this book, he shared his insights on what exactly love is and how to find it, cherish it, and let it go.
Since childhood, our minds have been shaped by certain patterns and beliefs about love.
These early experiences and conditioning greatly influence our understanding and approach to relationships.
Those are the reasons why our relationship not only with our partner but also with everyone affects.
For example, if we grew up in an environment where love was conditional, we may carry those patterns into our adult relationships.
We might struggle with trust, fear, vulnerability, or have difficulty expressing and receiving love.
Therefore, this book, “8 Rules of Love,” by Jay Shetty helps you understand the true essence of love and navigate your relationships more effectively.
The book “8 Rules of Love” is divided into four parts: solitude, compatibility, healing, and connection.
Jay Shetty emerged with his Vedic insights into understanding the meaning of love and cherishing relationships.
He teaches us that instead of wishing, wanting, and waiting for perfect love, he encourages us to cultivate love within ourselves and radiate it outwardly.
“8 Rules of Love” is a guidebook for those seeking to transform their understanding of love and experience more fulfilling relationships.
So, let the light of vedic wisdom guide you on a soulful journey through the transformative power of love.
Part 1: Solitude – Learning to Love Yourself
In the first part of the book, Jay Shetty prepares readers for love by teaching how to love yourself.
At the end of part one, he encourages us to write a love letter to ourselves. As a result, this activity will help you strengthen your bond with yourself.
Rule 1: Let yourself be alone
I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing light of your own being.
HAZIF
Jay Shetty effectively addresses the topic of loneliness, providing relatable and practical examples to shed light on its impact.
He highlights how when we type the phrase “will I ever” in Google’s search bar, one of the top suggested questions is “Will I ever find love?” This showcase highlights the human desire for love and companionship.
In an attempt to escape the feeling of being single, people often enter relationships, mistakenly believing it to be the ultimate solution for loneliness.
However, it’s important to recognize that a relationship alone does not guarantee the resolution of that underlying feeling.
Instead, embrace the practice of solitude and introspection, which Jay Shetty refers to as a “solo audit. Explore how you feel in solitude—whether it brings comfort or discomfort.
Engage in new activities on a weekly basis, solely by yourself. Through this solo audit, you will cultivate a sense of ease in solitude and gain clarity on your life’s priorities.
Solitude gives us space and time for introspection and cultivates a deeper understanding of who we are.
Remember, a relationship with someone else won’t cure your relationship with yourself.
Hence, the first rule emphasizes the importance of self-healing, cultivating qualities such as compassion, empathy, and patience.
Rule 2: Don’t ignore your karma.
Do not be led by others, awaken your own mind, amass your own experience, and decide for yourself your own path.
atharva veda
Each relationship leaves a lasting impact on us, shaping our perceptions of what love should be and feel like.
Nevertheless, acknowledging and understanding these impressions serves as the initial stride towards liberating ourselves from the limitations of past experiences.
Here, Jay Shetty highlights the concept of “Parental gifts and gaps,”. He explains that when we lack the proper upbringing from our parents, we often seek to fulfill those unmet needs through our partners.
This dynamic can have a significant impact on our relationships as we place expectations on our partners to meet those unfulfilled needs.
In such circumstances, take a moment to reflect on your personal definition of love and consider where you acquired it.
Visualize and consciously release the impressions left by your past experiences, allowing yourself to embrace a fresh perspective.
In the second rule of love, the author delves into the different types of people we encounter in our dating experiences and the karmic lessons they bring into our lives.
1.Rebel:
When encountering a rebel, the author advises that if the person you are dating shows a willingness to progress towards a deeper commitment.
It is important to choose them based on their admirable qualities rather than solely being captivated by their rebellious allure.
2. Chase:
Sometimes dating someone who is emotionally and physically unavailable for you can be exhausting and emotionally draining.
In such relationships, it often feels like you’re the one putting in all the effort and making all the sacrifices, while the other person remains distant.
If you find yourself in a relationship, then it’s time to evaluate whether the relationship is truly fulfilling for you.
3. F-boy and F-girl:
Engaging in casual relationships can sometimes divert attention from finding a deeper emotional connection.
Thus, it is important to assess whether such relationships are in line with your desire for commitment and emotional connection.
4. Opulent one:
People tend to be drawn to individuals who possess attributes such as knowledge, wealth, fame, beauty, strength, and renunciation. Yet, these materialistic attributes alone do not guarantee love and happiness.
For instance, while we may desire wealth, it does not necessarily bring us lasting joy.
We often make assumptions that a good communicator is trustworthy or that a manager must be organized.
However, defining love based solely on external achievements rather than inner qualities can be misleading.
Part 2: Compatibility – Learning to Love Others
Building upon the foundation of self-love, the author emphasizes the importance of sharing that love with others and fostering meaningful connections.
Rule 3: Define love before you think it, feel it or say it.
Love is not black and white – you either love someone or you don’t and there’s only one way to do it.
jay shetty
Jay Shetty illustrated the four phases of love: attraction, dreams, struggle and growth, and at last, trust.
Phase 1: Attraction
Figure out whether other person is worth investing your time and energy.
Scientist defines love on three levels, lust, attraction and attachment. When a person feels drawn to someone, their initial focus may often be on the person’s outward appearance rather than fully acknowledging their goals and values.
Phase 2: Dreams
People often assumes that our attraction towards someone automatically aligns with our dreams but that is not always the case.
It is important to let go of these false perceptions and expectations, and instead, prioritize the cultivation of a genuine connection based on authenticity and understanding.
Ultimately, the way you manage your differences is more important than focusing on discovering similarities.
Phase 3: Struggle and growth
When two different people enter a relationship, they each bring their own unique perspectives, values, goals, and expectations. This can make it difficult to understand one another’s points of view.
There will be lots of situations where you will need to make adjustments and focus on finding solutions rather than pointing the finger at one another. It’s like win-win situation.
Phase 4: Trust
Trust is a fundamental aspect of relationships that emerges when we feel secure. It includes three dimensions: physical trust, mental trust, and emotional trust.
Physical trust arises when we feel safe and comfortable in the presence of another person.
Mental trust develops when we have confidence in their ideas, thoughtfulness, and intellectual compatibility. Lastly, emotional trust forms when we have faith in their values, integrity, and emotional support.
Rule 4: Your partner is your guru
Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.
antoine de saint-exupery
Evaluate whether your partner has the qualities that facilitate mutual learning and personal growth.
By selecting a partner with whom we can grow, we open ourselves to a continuous process of learning through their guidance and support.
For instance, instead of imposing your own goals on your partner, you can assist them in discovering their own aspirations. Engage in a constructive discussion by asking these three questions:
- What’s really important for you right now?
- What do you need to get there?
- Is there anything I can do to help you?
In this way, you both can help each other grow. Another thing is to appreciate the efforts that your partner is taking to improve themselves.
Recognizing and valuing their dedication and progress can significantly enhance the bond between you.
Remember, while your partner can be a source of guidance and wisdom, it’s important not to become entirely dependent on them. They can serve as your guru, not your God.
Rule 5: Purpose comes first.
The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.
david viscott
According to the author, within every relationship, there exist three distinct dynamics: your relationship with each other, your relationship with your purpose, and your partner’s relationship with their purpose.
To find a perfect balance in between, set aside time each year to have meaningful conversations with your partner about your purpose and goals.
Utilize the following pyramid of purpose as a framework to effectively prioritize and align your goals and aspirations.
1.Learn:
Identify both your passions and strengths to gain clarity on areas where you can excel.
2. Experiment:
Put your learnings into action. There’s a wise man once said, learning without execution is pointless.
3. Thrive:
Thrive in your personal and professional journey by continuously learning, exploring, and gaining expertise in your chosen field.
4. Struggle:
You cannot ignore struggle. When you know you are struggling, seek help from your partner so that they will support you better.
5. Win:
In the pursuit of success, winners consistently engage in learning, experimentation, facing struggles, and delivering performances. These elements are integral parts of the journey towards achievement.
Lastly, celebrate small wins along the way. This will provide a boost of motivation and encouragement to continue pursuing your goals.
Part 3: Healing – learning to love through struggle.
Healing is not an overnight process; it often requires years to truly heal yourself.
Additionally, knowing when to let go of past hurts, toxic relationships, or negative patterns is fundamental of healing process.
In part three, the author suggested writing a healing letter to yourself to process pain and suffering.
Rule 6: Win or lose together
Conflict is the beginning of consciousness.
M.esther harding
In every relationship, conflicts are inevitable, and they serve as opportunities to understand the other person better.
Unfortunately, many individuals tend to view conflicts in a negative light and expect a perfect “happily ever after” scenario.
In an attempt to maintain harmony, many couples choose to avoid arguments instead of openly communicating their true emotions.
However, when partners consistently shy away from conflicts, it can indicate a lack of understanding and respect for each other’s values and priorities.
Remember, physical abuse, control, and manipulation are not acts of love.
Rule 7: You don’t break in a breakup
Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
rumi
If you find yourself feeling unsafe in a relationship, it is advisable to safely remove yourself from such a toxic relationship. Physical abuse, violence, and dominance are not signs of a healthy relationship.
Cheating is often identified as a contributing factor in the dissolution of relationships.
In such circumstances, it is preferable to break up with your lover but wait until the hurt from the previous relationship has healed before starting a new one.
During the early stages of a relationship, there is often a sense of attraction and passion, yet as time goes on, the initial excitement and intensity of love tend to diminish.
When one or both partners in a relationship fail to make consistent efforts, the love between them can fade away.
Similar to how we care for plants through regular watering, sunlight, and nourishment, it is crucial to nurture and cultivate your relationship for it to flourish with the passage of time.
Part 4: Connection – Learning to love everyone
Love is eternal. It is in its purest form, representing the highest expression of affection. In the final section of the book “8 Rules of Love,” Jay Shetty enlightens us about the profound power and significance of genuine love.
Rule 8: Love again and again
The river that flows in you also flows in me.
kabir das
Love knows no boundaries, yet many people carry the misconception that it is confined to romantic partners, family, and friends.
However, in fact, we are all interconnected. We share a common humanity, and our actions and choices have ripple effects that can impact others in profound ways.
Recognizing and embracing this interconnectedness allows us to cultivate love and compassion for all beings.
While it’s natural to desire love, remember to actively give it as well.
You can categorise people into different groups, such as good friends, meaningful contacts, friends, acquaintances, and people you recognise.
Based on these categories, you can prioritize and allocate your time to spend with your loved ones accordingly.
Conclusion:
In his book “8 Rules of Love,” renowned author Jay Shetty, explores the concept of love in depth.
Jay Shetty addresses the impact of past experiences on our relationships and highlights the need to consciously release and redefine our understanding of love.
The book is divided into four parts: solitude, compatibility, healing, and connection. The author encourages readers to cultivate self-love and understand their own needs before seeking love from others.
Overall, “8 Rules of Love” serves as a guidebook for transforming our understanding of love and building more fulfilling relationships.
Jay Shetty’s vedic wisdom and insights provide a profound perspective on the transformative power of love.